• https://doi.org/10.1353/apo.2022.a906031Copy DOI Icon

Beyond the Marram Grass: 1966

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Abstract

Beyond the Marram Grass1966 Georgia Rose Phillips (bio) At dusk, the sand dunes are a sweeping panorama of curves, barely distinguishable. As Elke's eyes adjust to the failing light, she watches as the white creases lift and disappear into the grey sheet of ocean. The tufts of marram grass hunch protectively away from the northeasterly sea breeze that rolls in from the water, filling the beachside carpark, and then, cleansing the hollow cavern of her vehicle. She focuses on the point where the horizon melts into a smudge of indigo and begins to dream of home. Of returning. Not to where she lives but to childhood. To Strausberg, to the Straussee: a calmer body of water tucked behind the dense stretch of coniferous forest. To the needle shape of the scale-like pine leaves, falling. To the arillate fruit glowing the red of spilt blood against the leafy emerald. She is thinking of sitting by the water with Vati. She nervously plucked at the strands of grass as the ferry hummed past. It looked out of place with its pastel-yellow panels. Vati had delivered the news, monotonously. We are leaving, he said plainly. Then, he added the word indefinitely. His words hung like a stale air between them. She had felt small and insignificant beneath his gaze. Unsure how to carry herself in the brief and unexpected moments of his attention. She had wanted to ask of this place, Sydney, but the moment had passed as swiftly as it unfolded. Before she'd had time to process the news, she watched her boxer, Arlo. His head drooped in a confused tilt behind the neighbour's fence. He shrunk as they drove into the climb of morning that shed darkness like a second skin. She understood the hollowness of loss then, the way it fills you up with emptiness. _______ Elke hears the approach of a rickety engine. It is followed by a loud bang as a nearing vehicle backfires. The sound startles her and pulls her head instinctively towards the headlights dispersing into a fine, shimmering powder. A red, dilapidated Fiat glides across the carpark. Its soft outline hardens into firmer, more declarative angles, as it nears. As its golden light beams draw closer, she begins to hear the raucous laughter of the boys. Their deep chorus is muffled by the fogged glass. The car's brakes screech to a halt, propelling their vague outlines forward, and then, backwards. She hears the damp slapping of flesh against leather. The lagging gear stick crunch as something mechanical burps beneath the bonnet. [End Page 21] The sound makes her think of her husband, Norbert. The permanent shadow his life as a mechanic has cast over his fingertips. In the rear-vision mirror, she watches the boys park horizontally across three parallel white-lined car spaces. She watches their motions unfold in the hanging black frame of the mirror. They appear foreign and distant. Glowing translucent against the darkening surrounds as the day pulls away from them. The glassy quality of their reflection reminds her of Brigitte at the aquarium. The way her small, pink hands reached for the dugong floating despondently, beyond the glass. The moment had the same ethereal sheen. Brigitte had been asking if the dugong was sad about being imprisoned. Eyes stretched wide with concern. Her flock of dark hair still creased from her morning nap. Her aliveness exemplified by the glow of memory. She must have been almost four, then. Understanding nothing but also everything. Should we let them out, Mutti? she said, her voice hollow with concern.Should we get Vati to help us? The boys emerge as a collective from the Mary Poppins–handbag of a vehicle. They double in size as they unfold from the metal mouth of the doors. They straddle the uneasy threshold of adolescence and adulthood. Bearing vestiges of the uninterrupted tenderness of boy children. Elke recognises this in their shared and sudden jittery excitement to be free from the confines of the vehicle with its restrictive seatbelts. Its lack of leg space forcing them to press their knees together, demurely. She watches as their feet meet the pavement...

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